Monday, March 12, 2018


Last Friday, my 14 year old son twisted his ankle at a morning track practice. He came home and stayed in bed, propping his ankle up most of the day.
Late afternoon, I realized we hadn't prayed for healing, which we normally do if someone is sick or injured.
We prayed that Jesus would make Himself real to my son and rock him, those exact words. Nothing fancy, nothing dramatic.
At first my son said he had some relief so we prayed again. This time he moved his ankle around, it made a loud pop. He laughed, got up, and ran out of the room!

It occurred to me that God wants people to be able to do what they enjoy.
So, painting, sports, writing, etc. Satan wants to keep us from doing things were gifted to do and things we enjoy. We should do these things, giving glory to God.

My son loves sports. Satan would love to keep him from performing. God is greater, though.

I love to write. I struggle with debilitating headaches and can't think when I feel like this.
God has taken the headache away sometimes but they return at a later time.
This has no relevance whether God loves me or not. I don't know why sometimes He takes the headaches away and other times He doesn't. When He doesn't, I take a prescription medicine and have not guilt about it.

Why does He heal some and not others? I don't know. I do know Jesus healed all that came to Him. I believe this is still the nature of God today. We just aren't seeing it...yet.

Maybe tomorrow.

Toxic moms

I'm a mom. I'm friends with a lot of great mom's. Most of the mom's I know are sincere and fair and want the best not only for their children but for their children's friends.

Then, you have a very small number of mother's that are only concerned about their children. The one's that have little empathy or understanding concerning problems or issues their kid's friends may be having.
The worst part about these mom's is they eliminate anyone they see as a problem, they demonize them to their family, friends and anyone who will listen. Then they post on Facebook about love, forgiveness, acceptance.

No child is all bad or all good. Completely eliminating a friend from your child's life to make it easier for them doesn't teach the root of friendship. We're supposed to lay our lives down for people. Love them.
I'm not talking about eliminating because of a bad influence like drinking or drugs. Just deciding they are done with these people. Inviting all the girls in the class over but leaving one out. One day best friends and the next basically dead to them.

This is not how we behave as Christians. We work through things. We invite in the mess.

It's easy to think or actually eliminate people from your life until it's your child that this happens.

Mom's wield a lot of power. The power to include. The power to exclude.

Monday, March 5, 2018

Women Pastors

Women are called to be pastors.

I have no doubt about this statement. I've wanted to write, speak, live that sentence out for a while now.

How do I know this?

1. 1 Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

God is not looking for anatomy. He's looking for willing hearts. Pinholing who should or should not is not our business, it's His. Not every man is called to be a pastor, nor every woman. God does the calling and annointing.

2. In the Garden of Eden, there was a curse laid on humanity. Simply, when Jesus came, died and was resurrected, the curse was gone. We are under a new covenant. The Holy Spirit changed us on the inside and took care of the inequities.

3. The letters that discuss what should or should not be done inside the church are inadequate evidence. These are letters, which means, to judge what was being addressed requires the corresponding letters. To base theology on this alone is to not safe, or good, for anyone. 

4. Jesus is not limited to the body God gave Him here on Earth. He is more than a man.
Jesus could have come to Earth as anything, a donkey, a cat, a camel. The fact he came clothe in a man's body means very little. Except he did experience humanity as a human, not solely as a man, but as a person. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
Isaiah 55:8

He is a person but it's not the anatomy that defines Him. He's more, bigger, greater than we can imagine. He's more than we saw here on Earth. He is the Word. 

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 3:28

For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him.
Romans 10:12

5. The body of Christ is about unity and partnership. It's about all the parts doing their part. If someone is called to something and they are not allowed to contribute then the body is broken. 

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Ephesians 4:15-16

The church will never function healthily if some of the body is not allowed to serve in how they're called. 

If women that are called to be pastors are not allowed to serve, they will fill that void in the world somehow. New age, false religions, witch craft will prevail. The corporate ladder and overemphasis on taking care of the family, which are both good, is not a substitute for how God calls someone.

Why does this matter? It does and doesn't. Most of the time I'm content with what's going on in churches and I say very little. My residence is in heaven. That is what matters. 

But today, today it's important. 

I only do what my Father does and say what my Father says. Today He says it's important. And I say, OK. 

Are there subjects greater than this. Yes. Believing He is for us, trusting in Him, going deeper in my relationship with God, getting refueled with the Holy Spirit, assisting God in getting souls to heaven. All of these things trump who is in what position on Earth. 

But for 10 minutes, this is important. For someone, somewhere who is discouraged. 

And the message will get to them so they can pick their heads up and keep moving. They are not alone.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Update on hair

After three days of short hair, this is what I've come up with.

Even though I've worked through not hiding from God, I still like the idea of hiding from people occasionally.

Long hair gave me security. It's feminine. People know me by my hair.

Some have walked passed me because they didn't recognize. Others are wide-eyed and compliment.

I'm not comfortable in my skin when I'm revealed. My hair was my cover.

My skin is not perfect, neither is my face but the distraction of an overabundance of curly hair allowed me to hide.

Who am I when I am striped?

Can I stand perfectly naked against the world, clothe in nothing but righteousness.

See me. Here I am. Like a newborn baby but reborn.

Judgement based on my heart and mind but not my clothes, hair, beauty.

Take it all!

Lord, take it all.

Leave me nothing but you.

Make me transparent.

Make me like you.

Friday, October 21, 2016


I got a haircut today.

A pixie. Not my first but definitely shorter than my norm.

I don't like it.

I was halfway through the cut before I remembered I had scheduled family pictures for Monday. I told myself and the hairdresser that it would be okay.

It's not okay.

She cut it and left it wet because that's what I normally do. I came home and took a shower and loaded up on product.

When it finally was like a helmet.

I know this but I did it anyway. I have very curly hair. It doesn't style like straight hair.


I normally can self-talk through most hair cuts but the looming family portrait in three days broke me.

I cried.

The only thing I can conclude on why I am so upset is the reminder of my kindergarten picture. My mother chopped my hair just before starting kindergarten. I thought I looked liked a boy. I hated it.

I also look old. There's no where to hide. I hate my curl this short. The list goes on.

I told myself to be strong; show your girls how to be strong no matter what you look like.

I can't.

I cancelled the pictures. I've been fat and skinny. Glasses and contacts. Dressed up and down. Nothing has affected me the way this has.

It's too close to my heart. It's the next hurdle to more freedom of my identity. Breaking my dependence on vanity.

It's taken years to come this far. I'm not there yet. But I've come so far.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

The humility of our own humanity

The divisional line drawn in us is the divine and human.
To carry the Spirit in us is a

It's easy to detest the human side.
The subtle reminders of pride and sin.
Occasional as we get closer to Jesus, possibly, but still intact.

Our humanity reminds us that we are not God.
In the 'human' moments, I hate I'm like I am.
But if I can calm down long enough to remember this is why I need Jesus, it makes for a humble place.
A place I can curl up in Daddy's lap and let him heal me.

To know there's more work to be done has become a norm.
It used to depress me.
The idea it will never be over was a forlorn thought.

Now, I go into fetal position and cry or scream or just be.

I might try to hide for a while but he is always there.

He always sees.

He always loves.

When I hide, my cave feels good for a while but like a true cave, we get hungry, thirsty and eager to see the sun.
I lick my wounds for a while, sometimes days or months.
Then, I see Him, in a song, in an article, in a Bible verse, and the tears flow.
I look back and I see He's never left.
Just waiting for me to reappear.

Satan will show us how to justify resentment or sin.
Today I was dealing with both.


When we break before God, though, we see how He loves us and how He loves the world.
We can't hold onto the resentment or the sin when Love intercepts.


We can choose to hang onto resentment and sin.

When we are ready to receive that Love, nothing can stand.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The muck

We're in wedding season.
The saddest, happiest, joyous, most excruciating adventure awaiting a large part of us in this world.

Attached to this is hope, expectations, emptiness, fullness.

The monogrammed towels every bride is hoping for is the highlight of the list. The focus is the china set. The wedding dress is on display for all to judge how she will step into her new role.

What we don't know about is the blood, sweat, tears, grit it will take to hang on.

The daily mess that ensues to hold it all together.

The children who start as wonderful, submissive, people-pleasing infants and toddlers turn into surly, snarly teenagers at times.

The heart that breaks over disagreements.

The grief over another day of not living the life you dreamed.

The feeling of being a second class citizen because of the sacrifices you've made for your family.

The lack of recognition.

The anger.

The hate.

The fear.

The love.

The passion.

The care.

All wrapped in one small beating rhythm that feels it might explode because of the range of emotions it keeps encompassed in its tiny walls.

The heart.

All choices to stay because of the commitment made to One.

Some days to decision to stay committed is higher than finding relief from the pain in running away.

This outweighs what towels will be in the guest bathroom or where to put the couch.

These commitments are heart wrenching at least and heart bursting at most.